Your Dog Might be Better Than Mine

I sometimes feel like I am failing as a dog owner.

How much am I supposed to be doing with her? She gets to go out for walks, fetches toys that I throw, and gets treats when she sits or rolls over, but I feel bad that I am not doing more. Should I be enrolled in a puppy and me class? Should I be setting up doggy playdates for her? I can't really take her to a park and let her go on the playground, so what more am I supposed to do?

There are no doggy museums that we can go to. Movie theaters are off limits. I can't take her to the mall. Grocery shopping? I'm pretty sure unless I am blind, they don't look to kindly upon a dog walking through the produce section.

She's three months old now, but I am concerned that all of the other dogs are passing her by.

Certainly I am missing out on something. I see all of these dogs on TV doing flips, walking on tightropes, and catching frisbees. My dog doesn't do any of those things. She chases the same toy that I throw over and over and over and can never get enough of that. I've seen dog shows on TV where dogs march in perfect unison with the most perfectly groomed fur. Mine always looks like she has just woken up with a sever case of bed head. Give her a bath and she looks like a rat, not quite up to Westminster potential.

Drying off after a bath.

A video posted by @jdubs44 on Feb 7, 2015 at 6:56am PST

Maybe I'm over-reacting to things, but it seems that everyone's dog can do so much more than ours.  Your dog might be better than mine. All our dog does is constantly lick our faces and curl up on our laps to fall asleep.

John Willey - Daddy's in Charge?

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(Le)tting (Go)

For the past six years they have meant everything to my two boys.

Now I don't know what will happen to them.  My kids are growing up and they seem to moving on from something that has really become a part of our family.  

Legos.

They are part of our family

Thousands upon thousands of little plastic bricks and hundreds upon hundreds of minifigures just sitting by waiting for their turn again. But will it come?  The truth is my boys go through phases like I'm sure a lot of kids do and we as parents have fed their obsessions.  Whether it's been Toy Story, Star Wars, or Cars my kids get so wrapped up in it, that that's all they ask for for Christmas or their birthdays.  While some things have come and gone, one thing has remained constant... Legos.

You could always count on the boys to ask for them as gifts and I was always happy to oblige.  But things are starting to change.  Carter didn't ask for any sets for his birthday; he only wanted things that involved basketball or football.  I don't know how much he actually liked playing with them from the start, they sort of frustrated him. But Tyler was different, he could sit for hours and pretend that these guys were his friends.  

In many ways they have been. 

Tyler's birthday is this weekend and he is turning nine(!?) and this is the first birthday since he started to ask for presents that he hasn't asked us for Legos.  I knew that this day was coming, but I don't think I was fully prepared for it to arrive.  I could always count on going to the store and picking up a few sets as presents, but now the Lego aisle is starting to be one that I skip, just like the ones that have all the Star Wars, Toy Story, and Cars toys in them.

His latest obsession is baseball and more specifically the New York Mets.  While I am thrilled that he is able to find new things to love, especially something as fun as baseball is, I just wish he wouldn't move on from things from his past so soon.  

If it is so easy for him to let go, why is it so hard for me?  

John Willey - Daddy's in Charge?

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The Clothes That Make the Man Cry

There are some things I hate about being a stay at home dad.  Organizing just happens to be one of them, and it's not for the reasons you might think.

Today I decided that I needed to move out all of the old clothes in Carter's closet.  A lot of these clothes have been with us since Tyler was his age, which means they have been with us for almost five years.  As you can imagine, there are a lot of memories wrapped up in these old duds, and since Carter is most likely our last child, these clothes will never be seen again.

Part of what I struggle with now is the fact that HE WILL be our last kid.  When my wife and I first decided to have kids we always assumed that we would have three.  We each come from families of five so it would only make sense that we would continue that trend.  But Carter is five now and the idea of adding another child to the mix some six years after giving birth to him just doesn't see likely.  A family of four works just works for right now, and it looks as though life will move forward the way it is.

Which brings me today and putting the clothes away.  

There are a lot of memories here in this closet.  With every shirt I can picture a different part of our lives, whether it was trips that we have made or weekends that we have spent as a family.  Some of them haven't been worn in years, and part of the reason is that I just wasn't ready to close that chapter of my life.  Once they go into storage, that's it, five years packed away, just like that.

This was Tyler's shirt.  He wore it everywhere.  I can remember him wearing it to Niagara Falls and Disney World just to name a couple of  places, but the place I remember it most is Point Pleasant Beach and his second birthday.  Tyler turns eight in a little over a month, but this shirts reminds me of that little diaper wearing kid walking on the beach almost six years ago.  It really is unbelievable to me how quickly that time has gone.  

Then there is Carter.  This was his fancy shirt for almost four years.  Yeah I know it's ridiculous that he could wear the same shirt for that long, but when he first started wearing it around his first birthday it was pretty big on him.  Since he is smaller than most kids his age it still fit him when he decided himself to wear it this past Thanksgiving.  This shirt has been all over the world including trips to France and Italy.  Quick side note, Carter thinks that any shirt with a button is fancy.

I only got through the closet today.  I couldn't bear going through his drawers.  He has the cutest little butt and the thought that he might need bigger underwear is just too much to take. We'll save that for another day.

John Willey - Daddy's in Charge?

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Too Young to Die

I can barely walk.

The pain in my hip is excruciating.  I don't know how my kids do it, but by the time one of their viruses gets to me it has exploded into some flesh eating super virus.  Just this past weekend Tyler came down with what we assume was synovitis.  He had a noticeable limp and complained that his hip was hurting.  This has happened before to both of my boys and since we had no idea what it was at first, a trip to the ER was in order.  This time though knowing that it was most likely synovitis and it would pass, no trip was necessary.

Secretly plotting my death?

It seems like every time these kids come down with something, I bear the brunt of it.  When they complain that their belly aches and they are not feeling well I know for sure that I will be doubled over in pain and puking my guts out with in a matter of days.  I know the whole story about men being babies when it comes to this sort of thing, but trust me, I can deal with a lot. I am never sick, but when I am, I am *this close* to my deathbed, and I am not one to complain about. I suck it up and deal with it.

I am certainly not a doctor, so I have no idea how this happens.  I would think that 38 years of various illnesses would leave me immune to what the kids bring home nowadays.  But it seems that what goes around their school, comes around to me. Maybe viruses have become much more complicated, much like Tyler's second grade math homework. I can't always figure that out, so this is something that I definitely can't comprehend.

What I do know is that by the time this pain in my hip reaches its peak, I will probably need a wheelchair.

Tyler is better now, thankfully the pain lasted only a day.  But that is no consolation for me as I know this will most likely be a weeklong struggle. Next time they come home with even a hint of a sniffle, I'm heading out of town.

I am too young to die.

How do you end up after your kids are sick?

John Willey - Daddy's in Charge?

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Out of My League

Baseball has always been my favorite sport.

I longed for the day when my kids finally were old enough to play in Little League.  Since I missed the registration deadline last year, this is the first year where they are finally hitting the diamond.  I have to say that the league that we are in has been great so far. Both boys have gotten the opportunity to play and they both really seem to enjoy it. Right now the league is stressing fun and fundamentals and since it's your typical instructional league, there are no politics involved.

Politics?  In kids sports?

I fortunately have not seen it yet, but I know it exists.  There will be a time when they have the opportunity to take their games to the next level and this is where politics comes into play.  Since I haven't experienced it yet, I thought that I would let an old college pal who's currently juggling parenting, marriage, work and coaching explain what is going on on baseball diamonds all across the country. Enjoy this guest post.

Out of My League 
By Dresden Wolf*

When my son started playing organized baseball two years ago, he was six years old and the emphasis was on fun and fundamentals. As parents, we were happy when they’d hit the ball without knocking the tee over, or run around the bases in the right direction (yes, we had a couple who tried to steal 3rd …from home). Hell, we didn’t even officially keep score.

But as the seasons went on, tee ball gave way to coach pitch, and coach pitch to machine pitch. In that time, a funny thing happened. My son and a few of his buddies got very good at baseball (pause to pat myself on the back as coach – ha ha ha), and the emphasis shifted. Now, it’s more like baseball. We not only keep score, but offensive and defensive stats. They’re eating sunflower seeds in the dugout. Kids SHIFT FOR LEFTIES. This shit just got real.

All of a sudden, everyone is scouting other teams, bailing to join travel teams, and our own house all-star process is worthy of an Aaron Sorkin screenplay. (Although I still don’t speak quickly enough to deliver the lines in one.)

I sigh and change the channel when I see “Pageant Kids” or “Dance Moms” or “I’m gonna grow up and have all kinds of issues because you started putting me in makeup and heels when I was 18 months old,” but I look around, and sports are no different. There are cliques, kids taking private lessons from coaches they won’t share. And everyone is jockeying to get on the “best” team with the best coach. Every playdate or schoolyard run-in is a chance to ask what team your kid is on, and if they’ve heard about the neighboring community’s travel team. There’s always rumbling about how competitive your league is (or isn’t). And everyone thinks they have an in because they know someone on “the board.”

As a friend said, “as long as the parents are involved, it’s always political.”

Back to my point. At the lowest competitive level, we’ve got 9U (the u is for “and under”) and 8U all-star squads. So, as you might imagine, many of the talented 8-year-olds try out for both. Where it gets sticky is when those 8-year-olds all get drafted by the 9U squad, leaving the 8U team with the less talented 8’s, as well as all the younger kids.

Having been to the tournaments these kids play in, an 8U squad of mediocre talent and a bunch 7-year-olds, no matter how good those 7-year-olds are, will get CREAMED. The other teams are huge. Like, “show me the birth certificates” huge. Then the kids will be discouraged, the parents will be sad, and the coaches (and the league) get blamed for setting the kids up to fail. On the flipside, a 9U team with a bunch of 8-year-olds will ALSO get creamed. BUT, everyone believes that “playing up” will get their kids a baseball scholarship (which coincidentally averages $5K, even at big baseball schools) and eventually into the MLB. But there’s a difference between playing with older kids and having your asses kicked by them.

So, is it better to be a big fish in a small pond? Or the smallest fish in a big pond? Personally I think being a goldfish in a plastic bag at a carnival is the worst, but that’s not relevant to this discussion. At the end of the day, I want my son to feel good about himself for being good at something among kids his own age. He’s got the rest of his life to compete with older guys for girls, jobs, social security checks, whatever.

Anyway, the opportunity to choose between the teams puts parents in a position to negotiate. And this is where it gets fun. Not.

So as the clock ticks on draft day (35 hours and counting), I find myself pouring over rosters, checking birthdates, and planning to call parents as late as 10PM on a Tuesday, trying to convince them to “play down” with the 8s instead of playing up with the 9s. Some have already asked “what’s in it for them.” Uhm, baseball…a uniform…a few nice days outside this summer? Some want guaranteed playing time, to only play a certain position, to bat ahead of (insert name here), or for their kid to be named team captain.

They’re EIGHT.

EIGHT. YEARS. OLD.

I joke a little, but I legitimately fear that the next call will be one asking for cash considerations or an actual contract.

Crazy, isn’t it? But in a world where kids get trophies just for showing up, and think they’re the best at everything, this sense of entitlement is not surprising.

But at the end of the day, the kids want to play. And at this age, they want to win, no matter what mamby-pamby, kumbaya, politically correct crap we’re supposed to be subscribing to. I still believe that kids’ sports should be fun, but anyone who’s ever competed with an 8-year-old boy will tell you, winning IS fun to them. So, we do what we can to put them in a position to win – or at the very least, compete. Because losing 24-2 because you’re out of your league stings a lot more than losing 6-5 to a team you can hang with. (I’ve done both.)

But if you’re a parent who cares more about telling people that seven-year-old Johnny “played ball with kids two years older than him,” than Johnny actually having fun playing, I don’t know what to tell you.

Ugh. I think I had a point, but now I’ve got a call from an agent on line two. (Insert touching conclusion that includes the phrase “for the love of the game.”)
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*To protect the parties involved, mainly the kids, Dresden Wolf is not his real name.

John Willey - Daddy's in Charge?

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I DON'T Want a Pony

I must seriously be the worst parent in the world.

Nothing else could explain why I didn't get MY sons entire preschool class a gift for HIS half birthday.

Thanks SO MUCH Anthony M.

Is this what it has come to?  As to not upset any kids in school nowadays we have to celebrate half birthdays, AND we have to get EVERYONE a half birthday party favor?  I don't get it. Maybe it's because I suck as a parent, or as a dad I just don't think about or care about those sort of things.

Would my son really be that upset if he didn't have a celebration of his half birthday?  Probably not, but I know his feelings WOULDN'T be hurt if he did not receive the requisite pencil or box of crayons as a parting gift.  Do these people know how many pencils we have?  Why must we continue to do this?

I fear that we are falling into a vicious cycle where we as parents have to keep up with everyone else.

You know one parent gets the kids something in September, and then everyone else has to follow in line and get each subsequent kid something exponentially better, until finally some kid who has his birthday in May, has a parent who is giving out motorcycles and gold bars.

It really needs to stop.

It starts with crayons and ends with ?

I know that no parent wants to be the first to put an end to this sort of thing because that would make them look BAD; but someone has to take the fall.  I am willing to be that guy.  If I don't stand up now and say that your child will not be getting a sticker book on my son's half birthday, I fear that it will just continue to spiral out of control, until eventually one of my boys comes home with a pony.

Please join me, make it stop. 

I don't have the room in my house for a pony.

John Willey - Daddy's in Charge?

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My Little Ninjas

We don't normally get these sort of things done, but when you are as big a fan of Legos as our family is, we thought why not. How often do you get to Legoland and how often can you get your kids turned into Lego Ninjas?

John Willey - Daddy's in Charge?

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