September 21, 2012

Dear Soccer Dad

Dear Soccer Dad,

I hope you are enjoying seeing little Billy run around the field with his little soccer ball.  I noticed one thing though, you seem to have a lot to say, whether it's to me, the other parents, or the coaches. I kindly request that you shut your trap.

We don't care how good you think your son is going to be, or that you were once a soccer player in high school, it simply does not matter when your son is five.  HE IS FIVE YEARS OLD!  Come to terms with that and stop telling us that he is the reincarnation of Pele.  There is a very good chance that he is not going to be, simply because he is going to hate you and your big mouth and probably quit playing soccer altogether.

This is not the English Premier League
I don't want to hear how bad of a job the coaches are doing.  This is a rec league with volunteer coaches.  Many of them are only coaching because they didn't want to pay the work bond, and they wanted to spend a little more time with their kid.  They are not paid professionals!  If you have such a problem with them, why did you not step up and be a coach yourself? Probably because you could not handle it and you would spend the entire practice yelling at the kids, something you seem to have no problem doing on the sidelines.

I get the fact that you played soccer in high school and were All County your senior year. That was 20 years ago!  You are now pushing 40 and carrying around an extra 40 pounds.  You are an overweight loser.  Please stop! These are kids out here and what you did back then has no bearing on what little Billy is doing now.  He is trying, but chances are he will never be good enough for you.

I don't want to see you yelling at the refs either.  They are HIGH SCHOOL KIDS!  None of them has ever officiated in a World Cup and I don't even know if they get paid.  Sure the kid was probably offsides, but since this is a REC LEAGUE where scores aren't even kept and there is no goalie, I think we should probably let it slide.  Perhaps when he gets to be as good as you were, we'll start worrying about those sort of things.

In conclusion, let me remind you that there is no negative yelling allowed at the field. No calling the coaches a bad word, no saying how much another kid sucks, and no berating these poor high school kids that have to deal with stupid parents like yourself.



John Willey - Daddy's in Charge?



  1. Just because somebody is "pushing 40 and carrying around an extra 40 pounds" does not make them a loser. Other than that, yeah.

  2. Everything else made them a loser... he's just a fatter loser now.

  3. This guy needs a 3 dad intervention. One dad on each side, each with a hand on his shoulder. One in the front who calmly explains that his negative behavior is now done, and that he has a choice. He can sit down and shut up and be a better man and better dad for it. Or, the three of you will help him to his car, which he will need to sit in.
    Works like a charm.
    Some people need a clear in their face, but calm and rational reminder that it is NOT ok to be an ass.

  4. Oh, one of those Dads, eh? Ugh. I coached soccer last summer with my then 4yo and 6yo boys and it was a disaster. We had 2 parents who bitched and moaned the entire game at the parents, at us coaches and the ref's - he hated the drills we chose to warm up with, he hated the linemates his kid had and he hated the time and the location of the games. He even "forgot" to bring snack on his kids snack night. I got fed up and had the convenor kick him off the field one game. His kid had scored 4 or 5 goals and he wanted us to double and triple shift him.. Oddly enough in the finals his kid did zippo and left the game early in tears. I feel your pain.
    On the bright side, while coaching hockey once in my 20's I had a Dad threaten to crack me over the head with a hockey stick for short shifting his kid 8 seconds...
    That would have sucked. :)

  5. Wonder if I could say, "Amen" too many times in a comment! =)

  6. As a former youth league, travel team and high school soccer coach I would like to offer a hearty fist bump and say "true dat."

  7. This letter needs to be included in the registration package for every sport.

  8. Could not have said it any better! God, I hate those guys. They are just living through their poor kids. Wait till his boy starts dating Ha

  9. Been meaning to comment on this post for a few days now. I agree 100% and very well said. We have the loud cheering parents who encourage their kids to pass or shoot or get back on D, which is funny because they are FIVE and basically all follow the ball around like moths drawn to a light, but the ref yelling, kid berating guy is yet to appear. I kinda broke code one day by encouraging my boy to play pass with another kid who was crying during drills, assuming he was crying because he didn't have a pass partner, but that was not the case and coach told me everything was under control. Aside from "Go buddy, go!" I've kept my mouth firmly shut ever since then.

  10. In my experience, those guys are part of the learning experience of kid sports. One of the most important skills you can have in that his world is dealing with douchebags. The way your kids see you dealing with soccer douches will stick with them. So take the opportunity to start setting a good example.

    That said, my son isn't there yet, I hated sports. But my dad worked in youth recreation and dealt with overbearing parents constantly, so I'm sure he will help.


  11. I actually didnt see him at last weeks game, but if it does continue I might have to say something

  12. All I say is get back and kick the ball... I know nothing about soccer but that seems to sum it up.

  13. I could never be a coach just for this reason alone

  14. I didn't have much of this problem when I coach youth soccer, mostly because most American adults only view soccer as a way to get the kids out of the house for a couple hours a week. Coaching baseball, though, EVERYBODY thinks they are an expert.