February 20, 2013

Why My Son Should Be the Next Bachelor

The Bachelor is my favorite show on television.

I always get ribbed by other dads saying that I should get my "Man Card" taken away because of that.  Of course none of them actually watch the show and don't understand the appeal of 25 women fighting over one guy. Ladies, smack some sense into that husband of yours because they might just realize that YOU are pretty darn normal compared what they will witness on television.

So Sean, The Bachelor, is down to his final three women. There are places that you can go to find out who won, but what is the appeal in that? It's usually at this point in the show that I start to wonder who out of these three women will end up being the next Bachelorette.  Yes, I obsess a little too much about this, but I know I am not alone. There are scores millions of guys just like me, it's just that you don't hear from them because I am the one with the blog.

He's got muscles
All of this got me to thinking about how my son would be perfect as the next Bachelor.  Sure he is five, soon to be six, and they probably have some sort of age restriction, but he could just be the perfect guy to star in the next installment.

As you can see Carter is strong.  He is also a very capable swimmer, which will certainly come in handy for the numerous times he will end up in a hot tub or when he is bound to jump off the back of a boat in the Caribbean.  You don't have to worry about him drowning, he is most excellent in the water. In fact he is very athletic and when they need to film him in slow motion, he does like to run around with his shirt off from time to time.  Ladies LOVE that.

He knows how to have fun
He likes to go on carnival rides.  ABC likes to send the Bachelor to an amusement every year, so obviously this is a no-brainer.  I know you are probably thinking that he is a little small, but I assure you that he is almost tall enough to go on a lot of the big kid rides now.  The only rides that scare him are rides like the Haunted Mansion.  But that's perfect because it shows his vulnerability and that obviously makes women swoon.

He likes to travel. If you've seen the Bachelor you know they go all over the world.  Well, Carter is worldly as he's been to a lot foreign countries and only proceeded to cause a scene in a few of them.  All ABC has to do is NOT go to Canada, Germany, Italy, or France.  I assure you he CAN travel to those countries, but it might be best that he doesn't.  Besides he probably has outgrown a lot of those issues, but even if he hasn't, that would make for great TV. Am I right?

He can treat ladies like royalty, sometimes
Most importantly Carter loves the ladies, most of the time. When he isn't telling his mom how ugly she is, he is constantly saying how sexy she is.  In fact he calls me sexy too.  I'm pretty sure it's his ONLY word right now. Imagine what he would do with a group of 25 women. ABC could have a field day with him, and sexiness would be everywhere. To heck with Justin Timberlake, Carter would bring sexy back.

There are some minor issues obviously. He can't read, he can't do math, and he can't drive a car yet.  He still refuses to wipe his own butt and there are very rare times when he wets his bed.  The bachelorettes might have to carry him around from time to time as well. ABC can certainly just edit those parts out.

Ratings gold I tell you.

John Willey - Daddy's in Charge?



  1. Actually, a Bachelor style show centered on kids would be brilliant.

  2. about that butt wiping refusal thing...my precious 5 year old almost 6 was like that..Sweet tarts worked well as a bribe, two tarts for each time he wiped himself and none in between times. of course thats MY testimony YOUR precious may not be easily bribed

  3. I don't know how that would work on the show. It would be a little weird if strange women were offering candy to a child to flash his butt.

  4. GOLD... Ratings GOLD!!!

  5. that could be problematic, for sure!

  6. This is brilliant. This would make for a much better show than what it is now. Brilliant I tell ya.

  7. The show as it is is brilliant, but with the addition of Carter would be through the roof.