September 19, 2011

Holy Jerkoff Batman

We have turned a corner somewhat in my house, no longer is the obsession Star Wars. Superheroes has reared its ugly head, and I can't say that I am totally happy with it. You see Star Wars is something that I was familiar with - I knew the characters, even though a new one is introduced every week on the Clone Wars TV show.  Superheroes are something I have no clue about, except that Aquaman is the coolest of all of them.

This will be the bane of my existence next spring
I don't know the difference between Marvel and DC and what ever made up crazy superhero there is out there.  I do know that my boys new obsession is with Batman and Spiderman, so much so in fact, they have decided to go as Spiderman and some black knockoff of Spiderman for Halloween.  I don't even know what the other guys name is, but I guarantee you my boys do, and as soon as the Lego superheros come out in January, you know where I will be headed.

On a recent trip to McDonalds - we go there maybe once a week, partly because I am a lazy cook and partly because the boys LOVE to play there - the Happy Meal came with Superhero toys.  We were surprised to see this as they were supposed to come with Ben 10 toys, whatever that is.  My boys were excited to say the least.  They now had a new toy that they could play with for five minutes - before it ended up stuck between the seats of our car surrounded by popcorn and french fries.  Carter got the Joker and Tyler got Batman, each was happy with their new toy.  I was not.  I have no idea what McDonalds or the company that made these toys was thinking, or maybe it was just my sick mind lost somewhere in the gutter.  I'll let you be the judge:


It seems to me that the arm action is slightly inappropriate for a toy that is being given out in a Happy Meal.  I don't know what Batman is trying to tell my kids here, or maybe we are playing with it the wrong way, but I don't want to know what he has in his utility belt, if you know what I mean.  I further inspected the packaging and found the instructions as to how to play with this toy and it seems after making this arm movement this is what happens:

He shoots, he scores!
OK, so now we know that if Batman does that enough, bats come flying out of his, ahem, belfry. Thank you McDonalds for this very important anatomy lesson, I think this is as good a time as any to teach my kids about the birds and the bees, or bats for that matter.


John Willey - Daddy's in Charge?

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11 comments:

  1. Oh.Mah.Gawd.

    Ahem.

    Hey, at least it's the way the toy was created. Don't make me tell you about the time my (now 5yo) middle daughter decided to turn Buzz Lightyear into a Pole Dancer.

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  2. Well there was that time he got reset and turned into spanish speaking tango dancer, so its not too much of a stretch.

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  3. YOU HAVE TO BE KIDDING ME! How do you keep a straight face? I thought you were just being angry with your post title, and was going to comment on how many hits you were going to get from inapproriate google searches. Now that I've seen this video, the title and your reaction to the toy is totally justified!

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  4. We have that toy too, and my son, who is 8, said "looks like Batman is grabbing his weiner mom..." jeeze!

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  5. I just came here because I was searching "jerkoff" and this site popped up...er, showed up.

    So are you saying that Batman doesn't have the same right that any suppressed, tight-wearing wacko that lives in a cave with a young boy named Robin, also in tights and clearly a virgin, have to occasionally seek gratification in the only way that he's likely ever to get it? I mean, if that was Darth Vader playing with his, ahem, light sabre, you'd probably be cool with it. I'm just sayin'...

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  6. I never thought of the searches I might get because of this title. Uh oh! Batman has every right to "POW" do whatever he "BAM" wants to do. I think I am cooler with this than the thought of Darth Vader sitting in the Death Star somewhere with his hands on the death ray. I want him to be thinking straight when he blows up a planet.

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  7. Oh my.....

    Just one of the reasons why I boycott McDonald's (which kills me, because I do *gasp* like their food, and we live maybe 300 feet from one) - did you see the post I did a few months ago about the whole girl toy/boy toy thing? Their marketing tactics suck - and Batman is just totally inappropriate.

    :)
    Amy

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  8. Haha, I am waiting for the followup post where you show us the Google search hits you've gotten. :)

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  9. After this, I'm kinda mad McDonalds hasn't had the Ambiguously Gay Duo as toys yet?

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  10. I wrote to you on your twitter about the toy, didn't want to write it here but your thoughts are definitely justified.

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