Those are just three of my most spoken phrases nowadays. I am getting really annoyed at the kids, but moreso I am getting annoyed with myself and who I have become. I never thought that I would be one of those parents that yelled at their kids. I would see people at the mall or the grocery store screaming at their kids and always judge them as awful parents.
How could they scream at an innocent little angel like that?
That was before I became a stay at home dad. Now I am THAT guy at Walmart yelling at his kids to keep their hands off of everything and that they can't have a drink or a new Lego set everytime we walk into a store. I have fed into this monster in the past, and I am here today to say that I am taking my life back.
I know what you are thinking, my life is not my own now, I have two kids to think about, and that is true, but I can't go on the with way things are. In the past I would give into their every want and need, not because I wanted to spoil them, but because it was easier to say yes, than it ever was to say no. If my kids made a mess, instead of having to fight them to clean it up, it was easier to live with it and watch them destroy something else in the house. Now my house is a mess, and it's become embarrassing.
I wouldn't call the past a series of mistakes on my part, more a learning experience.
Things have snowballed recently and there are times I have become enraged to the point that I can't stand myself. I was recently filming my kids for a video that I was putting together and I noticed between their cuteness I was yelling... A lot.
There are times that I completely lose control, and while I would never hit my kids to the point of abuse I can see how parents get to that point. I scare my self sometimes.
There is a new school year that starts tomorrow and with it I am going to take the time to teach my boys and myself a few new things. There are going to be some new rules and some new responsibilities FOR ALL OF US.
This is not to say in anyway that I am going to take the fun out of my kids lives, and turn them into slaves who jump at my every command. I can't have my kids grow up spoiled rotten and expect to get things when they want it all the time. They need to start learning about stuff like consequences and earning things, all stuff that I haven't stressed enough with them in the past.
They are great kids who are for the most part well behaved, but there are things though that I don't like and I need to put a stop to it, for them and for me. It's not going to be easy. It's hard to erase the previous seven years of feeding the beast. There will be growing pains as everyone gets used to the new rules. I expect a lot of crying in the coming weeks and months, maybe even years ahead, most of it will probably be from me.
If I don't put a stop to it now, I don't know if I ever will. For the sake of all of us, things will get better.
I was never THAT guy but I can slowly see him creeping up on me in the mirror. I don't want to be THAT guy.
I am taking my life back, and it all starts right now.
|I am a shadow of the dad I used to be|