|Ridiculous I know|
You want to get me a present? Get me a gift card to the Syracuse University Bookstore or Lowes. Let me shop for myself. With that in mind here are five things to NEVER get me.
1. A visor. My brother in law got me a Baltimore Orioles visor one year because he heard in passing that I might have been a fan 20 years ago. A hat would have been nice, but a visor? I don't know of anyone that has ever worn one and personally I don't get the point. What is so wrong about covering the entire head? I like hats. I have about 50 of them (I wear three).
2. Pants. I hate having to hold up something that is so ugly and have to fake that whole "Pants... they are just what I always wanted" routine. I love ripping open a box, but when something sucks, faking that I like something so nobody gets their feelings hurt blows.
3. Anything from a drugstore. This should be a given. You obviously put no thought into the gift and were just picking up your allergy medicine when that New York Yankees trinket just screamed that you had to buy it. I don't want to have to return something to a store where there is nothing that I want to buy myself. What am I going to do, get my film processed while I am there.
4. Anything that sits on a desk. I don't have a desk, so this should be pretty self explanatory. If I did have a desk, I wouldn't want any crap on it. I have enough clutter in my house and don't want to have clean around anything else that is out in the open. One thing grows into two, two turns into four, and the next thing you know I have a collection of dolphins in my den. (I don't even have a den)
5. A recipe book. Hell don't buy me a book period. I have no time to read them, and besides there are these things nowadays called iPads that I can load books onto. There are also apps that I can access and websites that I can browse that can give me all the latest in culinary exploration. My cooking consists of macaroni and cheese and chicken. Find me a book with just those two dishes and I will consider opening your gift.
Bonus. Don't buy me anything. Chances are it is going to be the wrong color, size, or team. Don't even try to guess because you are going to be wrong and I am going to have to go to the store anyway to return it. Why don't we just cut out that middle process and go with the cash.
Double Bonus. A bookcase. I told you that I am going to build it myself. Soon.
Of course with all this being said you could just buy me beer this Christmas. That is something that I would never turn down. Or you could just get something for these guys.