October 14, 2011

I Hate the Tooth Fairy

If your name is Tyler and you happen to be my son, please stop reading right now.  Also if you are my nine year old nephew Dylan you best cover your eyes, I don't know what you believe in anymore.

Let me start by saying that I am a big Santa fan. If my kids believed in Santa Claus their entire lives I would be a happy man. They might get picked on a little bit in college, but who cares, there is something sweet and innocent about a child and Santa Claus.

The Tooth Fairy not so much.

Yeah thats a tooth, disgusting I know
Tyler lost another tooth tonight, his third. And so we expect the ATM with wings to be making an appearance in our house tonight. The idea of a woman breaking into your house in the middle of the night and stealing teeth just seems odd. Sure she leaves behind some cool cash, but what the hell is she doing with all of these teeth? Is she making little kid dentures somewhere? My kids are totally going to catch on to this ruse.

Here is my fear. The existence of the tooth fairy is going to destroy Christmas. There are only so many lies that we can tell our kids, and if we keep up the story of the tooth fairy, they are bound to catch on to all of them.  Why did we start this?

The Eastern Bunny is the same way.

How much longer can we keep this up?
Come on. A giant bunny hops around our backyard leaving eggs filled with candy. I don't know how much longer I can keep that up. My boy is pretty damn smart, a bunny traveling the world leaving treat for everyone is something he is surely going to catch onto.

Christmas is different. There is something magical that happens Christmas morning that we as parents wish we could make last forever. The whole idea of it is crazy, a fat man dressed in red flying through the sky with his reindeer, giving presents to every girl and boy. It really is nonsense but it's cute, I just don't know how much longer its going to last.

I hope forever.

But I know it's not going to be the case. These idiots like the Tooth Fairy and the Easter Bunny are going to ruin it. They are going to slip up one of these years and someone is going to find out the truth about them. Will the boys upon knowing about Miss Toothy realize all of it's a hoax?

I wish she never existed, for the sake of Santa.

Are we prepared for the magic to end?

John Willey - Daddy's in Charge?



  1. Do you actually mean to tell me that the tooth fairy, Santa, and the Easter Bunny are all a hoax? Well I'll be damned!

  2. You have a good point! Even when I discovered the tooth fairy wasn't real I played along for the money. My older cousin ruined Santa for me at age 5.

  3. I'm 21 and I totally still believe in Santa!

    sorta lol

    Its the concept and idea of Santa that I believe in, the spirit of it you could say :) I also quit believing in the tooth fairy years before Santa (even tho I knew Santa was a scientific impossibility :p)

  4. We all believe in the magic of it all, I believe in the spirit. We all are Santa in a way. I just don't want them to start asking too many questions about these invisible people. There are too many of them now to deal with.

  5. Who says the tooth fairy is a woman? I didn't know you were so sexist. You make me sick.

    On the other hand, I total agree with you... There is something more believable about Santa than the Tooth Fairy or Easter Bunny. The EB is ridiculous.

  6. Interesting that you shared this today and at the same time, Jan Hunt (from the Natural Child Project) shared a post about Santa and perpetuating lies to our children.

    I am somewhere in between you both!

    I TOTALLY am into the tooth fairy (we have a bag of gold Sacajawea $1 coins just waiting for the remainder of kiddo teeth to fall out!) and though I dislike glitter and never use it in our craft life here at home... there is always glitter from a window, skylight or doorway to the child's pillow.

    That said, when my now 8yo does finally give in to those naysayers at school (or wherever he'll run into the one that finally puts that last straw on the magical camel's back) I will be ready to share with him my joy in the magic in his heart and eyes and that the tooth fairy, Santa and the Easter bunny all represent hope and joy and magic in everyone. We'll talk about how he is now part of the "greater group of good" and I'll ask him to keep the surprise and knowledge of magical belief for his sister and others who aren't yet of the age of knowing.

    We never talk about keeping secrets (surprises that are eventually announced, yes -- secrets that are to be kept forever, NO!)

  7. OOops, forgot to share the link to the Jan Hunt article http://www.naturalchild.org/jan_hunt/santa.html

  8. I actually wished we never introduced the Easter Bunny... My son got a picture with him at the mall one year. Really a big fake furry rabbit is posing for pictures with kids at the mall. I would think that was a dead giveaway as to the nonsense of it all.

  9. I am no longer your friend, i was still under the impression all these guys were real and you just wrecked everything!

    Haha but totally agree, it's actually quite strange because we grow up teaching our children not to lie, and that lying in any way shape or form is wrong, but we spend the vast majority of their childhood lying to them lol.

  10. So, like, I'm not getting anything for that tooth I just had extracted? :::throws herself on bed and cries her eyes out:::

    DKL: Good point. There was Dwayne Johnson, after all. ;)

  11. And the fall of The Rock continued... Hopefully he has no plans to play Santa Claus.

  12. My sister raised her oldest with the knowledge of how Christmas works but for my niece, several years later, everyone played along with Santa. They are both well adjusted kids so I'm sure you'll do well.

  13. She actually dated him for a while, but face it, she's too good for him. A bearded old drunk? She knew she could do better.

  14. Lol, I remember as a kid you'd get a quarter or a 50 cent piece for a tooth. My first son got like $20 for his, from all his aunt and uncles. 12 y/o says that parents lie all the time, and figured the easter bunny thing out when he was 4.=(
    Santa though, he's here to stay in my house...heck, I believe in him. =)

  15. Its something that kids need to experience when they are growing up. Thanks.

  16. I remember keeping my tooth and when I woke up it would be replaced by candies, I do the same with my kid but I just place a dollar.

  17. I sometimes leave toys or books near their bed instead of money. I think that it's very good way to make them go to the dentist.  

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