Wednesday's Window... Letchworth

There are many great things about growing up in Upstate New York.  One of them is the awesome beauty of the countryside.  My favorite place on Earth, at least the one that is easily accessible anyway, is the Finger Lakes Region. It's where my parents still I've so it gives us the opportunity to visit as much as we want.  I have previously shown you the wine region around Seneca and Keuka Lakes but today  I am giving you a glimpse into a place that I think is one of the MOST spectacular places I have ever seen.

It seems that every region has their own Grand Canyon, and this area is no different.  Letchworth State Park, while nowhere near the size of the Grand Canyon, in my eyes is every bit as beautiful. Carved out of the rocks by the Genesee River, Letchworth is home to some of the most spectacular waterfalls on the east coast.  Since my parents live only about 20 minutes from there, it was time to load the kids and my mom in the car and go give it a look.  I hope you enjoy this weeks Wednesday's Window.

Letchworth Middle Falls

My mom with Tyler and Carter

Looking down the middle falls

Letchworth Upper Falls

Years of erosion

Letchworth Lower Falls

The amazing thing about Upstate New York is there seems to be a waterfall everywhere that you turn and all of the seem to be easily accessible.  It's a beautiful place and a place that I am happy to call home.

John Willey - Daddy's in Charge?

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Slowing Summer Down

Where the hell are the days going?

You can't really look me in the eye and tell me that it's the middle of July already.  There is no way.  Just yesterday we were ripping open Christmas presents and now we are cleaning up the ashes from all the fourth of July fireworks. I always get the feeling that the Fourth of July is the beginning of the end of the summer.  It's almost as if there are no more holidays to look forward to for a while so we just sit and wait until Labor Day.

They love the beach

We always try and pack as much as possible into our summer, but it always seems to go by too fast.  We try to get to the beach as much as we can, but if there happens to be a rainy day, it ends up ruining the weekend and plans have to get shifted around in order for us to get back. When you live in the Northeast you have a limited window of opportunity to do these sort of things.  Usually from Memorial Day to Labor Day with the possibility that there will be a few really nice spring and fall days.  One year we went to the beach in January but THAT was an aberration.

We try to make a list every year of things we want to do, and every year it seems that we run out of time before we get it all done.  I have sworn for years that each year was going to be THE year that we take the boys camping.  Then of course one weekend gets washed out and before you know in your picking apples in October wondering just where the summer went.

It just seems to fly by.

Hell the whole year just seems to fly by.  I almost feel as if each passing day is exponentially faster than the next.  When you are a kid though, the summer goes on FOREVER.  At least that's how it felt to me.  Once school got out, the lazy summer days seemed to go on and on. Which was fine by me.

But now as a parent there is nothing that we can do to make it all just go in slow motion.  Everything just seems to be shot out of a canon and racing 150 miles per hour. Maybe we are over planning things, maybe we just need to kick back and relax, maybe we are trying too hard to make sure our kids are having fun? Maybe all it takes is a run through the sprinkler or a couple ice pops to make it all slow down? Maybe instead of trying to fit everything in, we should try to fit nothing in.

That lake house is looking more and more appealing everyday.

This is where we would love a lake house

John Willey - Daddy's in Charge?

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Beautiful Boy... Starring Legos and More

8 years old.

I don't even know how that is possible.  While it seems like yesterday that Tyler came into our lives, in many ways it seems like he has been around forever. It's hard to even imagine life before him. He has been the most awesome kid that any father could ask for. Sweet, loving, smart, funny, you name it Tyler possesses every great quality that every parent dreams about.

He is the best kid I know.

Happy 8th Birthday Tyler.  You truly are one beautiful boy.

John Willey - Daddy's in Charge?

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Wednesday's Window... Niagara Falls

We were fortunate enough last week to head to upstate New York and visit my folks. They live less than two hours from one of the most amazing sights in the entire world, Niagara Falls.  A couple of weeks ago I saw that guy tight rope walk his way into Canada and it was that moment I decided that we should make a return visit to one of the Wonders of the World.  See it WAS a brilliant marketing ploy and I am sure that I wasn't the only one who decided that do to go for a visit that day.

This is actually our second trip to the Falls with the family.  Our first trip we took almost six years ago before Carter was even born.  Tyler was  just turning two at the time and while he didn't like the idea of getting soaked on the Maid of the Mist, he seemed to really enjoy it.  Aside from the Falls you will notice something about the entire area.  The Canadian side is much more developed than the American side.  Canada has every tourist trap known to man while the American side has nothing to offer except for the opportunity to get right up next to the falls.  The neighborhood around the falls on the American side leaves a lot to be desired as there are boarded up buildings only a few blocks away.  It really is pretty sad having this amazing site and literally two blocks away it looks like a bomb went off. If you go, bring your passport and go into Canada, it's a way better experience.  I hope you enjoy this weeks Wednesday's Window.

From the Canadian Side

From the American side on Luna Island

Horseshoe Falls.

Getting ready for the Maid of the Mist

Right up next to the falls

You forget how many rocks have fallen off over the years

Looking up at the people on Goat Island

Underneath Horseshoe Falls

The American Falls

Amazing how you can stand within 10 feet of the plunge

Even more amazing that you can stand underneath the falls

It really is breath taking.  

In the coming weeks I will share with you some more amazing waterfalls that I have seen in Upstate New York.  It amazes me just how many there are up there.  Each more beautiful than the other

John Willey - Daddy's in Charge?

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Without You I'm Nothing

This is a picture of my little brother and I sometime around 1980.  I was probably seven which made him close to four.  When you are that age you have no idea the impact you might have on your little brother, hell I still have no idea if I made any impact on him. You can't really make out the words too well on my sweatshirt but the Zero is saying to the One in the number 10, "Without you I'm nothing." 

Sometimes I feels as if it's that way with Carter and his older brother.  Carter knows no other life than that with Tyler.  As long as he has been alive his older brother has been there right beside him.  Tyler had those two years without Carter and I don't know if he remembers any of it, but I almost feel as if he learned to be a little more self sufficient in the time before Carter was born.  Drawing comes more naturally, playing video games is a cinch to him, and he picked up reading much quicker than Carter seems to be doing. 

Carter has relied on Tyler. 

Whenever he needs help with something, he goes right to his big brother.  Not that Tyler is a huge help all of the time, but he will step in and help his little brother out.  That is of course when wants to, which when you are the older brother, can get pretty annoying when there is someone screaming at you for help.

Why is Carter wearing sunglasses? Because Tyler is.

Carter is the worlds biggest copycat.  If Tyler is walking around without a shirt on, Carter does the same.  If he is wearing sneakers instead of his usual Crocs, Carter has to follow suit.  You get the idea, whatever Tyler does, Carter is sure to follow.

It comes back to that sweatshirt.

What would Carter be without his older brother? Certainly he wouldn't be nothing.  But how much different would he be without Tyler living right by his side.  This is something we won't know about for years to come when Tyler heads off to college.  I don't know how Carter is going to react to the fact that he won't be living under the same roof as his older brother.

He might just be lost.

Carter has the idea he will be living with Tyler for the rest of his life.  In fact he said as much by saying that when he gets bigger and graduates college, he's going to move in with him.  Upon hearing that, Tyler said that if that is indeed the case, he is going to make Carter pay all of the property taxes.

Payback I guess.

John Willey - Daddy's in Charge?

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Oh to be 18 Again

What would I say to my 18 year old self?

Obviously that is a very difficult question.  You don't want to give too much away, but you don't want to leave your 18 year old self just hanging out there with no guidance.  Part of the fun of life is that you just never know what is going to happen next.  Around the next corner could be something awesome, or something scary.

Well I was given the chance to speak to my former self on someone else's blog!

Jamie Walker has given me the opportunity to try and speak some sense into young Johnny at her blog Chosen Chaos.  She has a whole series of bloggers that spew their wisdom to their younger selves, it's really a cool idea.

So today that's where I will be, trying to knock some sense into that thick head of mine.

Click RIGHT HERE to see what I have to say.

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You can follow Jamie's Blog on Facebook or Twitter... Check it out!

John Willey - Daddy's in Charge?

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Camp vs. Home

I knew that this was going to happen.

The first day of camp was too much of a success.  It was the same thing last year. There were no tears and no screaming. The first day brought a little bit of excitement, it was the 20 other days that were a nightmare.  Today was no different.  I don't know what happens on the first day to make every subsequent day thereafter unbearable, but it appears that is going to be the case again this summer.

My oldest one gets it.  I don't know that he loves camp, but he goes without an issue.  He seems to enjoy it, but if you ask him a few weeks from now, he might hate the lack of video games and the heat that will surely settle upon our area. My youngest is a whole other story.  He finds any excuse to NOT want to go. Today's was that the pool was too cold.  Some days it's that there are leaves in the pool, others that there are too many hills.  You get the idea, he's trying to convince me that there are a lot of things wrong with this place, as if I am not going to send him one day.

That won't happen.

Lets give you a rundown of what their day is like and what it would be like at home:

9:00 CAMP - Dropoff! Tyler gets out of the car willingly, Carter is kicking and screaming.

9:00 HOME - The boys are arguing about Legos, Carter has woken up on the wrong side of his bed, and he proceeds to yell and scream that Tyler has a "cooler" guy and that I am stupid.

10:00 CAMP - Tyler is doing Archery, Carter is taking a swim lessons.  Carter LOVES the pool.  It's hard to get him out of it sometimes, plus he loves wearing goggles, he thinks it makes him look cool.

10:00 HOME - After an hour of calming Carter down, we have found the one lego mini figure head that he has been looking for. However his legs don't match his body and that sets him off again.  Breakfast is thrown on the floor and I spend the next 15 minutes cleaning up the food that neither kid has eaten.

11:00 CAMP - Tyler is now in the pool where he is in the advanced group working on his back stroke.  Carter is creating some project with macaroni that we will most certainly hang on the pantry door in our kitchen.

11:00 HOME - I have finally gotten the boys dressed after searching the house for a lego knife that we only have one of.  However Carter now wants a blaster than his brother is playing with, and he proceeds to rip a picture made with macaroni from last years camp off the pantry door.

12:00 CAMP - Lunchtime for both boys.  They sit quietly eating their meals that I have prepared for them and they finish every last bite in less than 30 minutes.

12:00 HOME - Lunchtime for both boys.  I give them the same food that they would have eaten at camp, but neither touches any of it and we argue about how long lunch is taking, upwards of an hour.

1:00 CAMP - Tyler is enjoying a canoe ride in the pond and Carter is catching fish.

1:00 HOME - After cleaning up from lunch Tyler disappears to play a video game while Carter begins to yell that Tyler is not playing with him.

2:00 CAMP - Tyler is back in the pool enjoying some free swim with a couple of friends he made last year.  Carter is immersed in a kickball game where he kicks a home run.

2:00 HOME - Both boys want ice cream.  I proceed to tell them that since they didn't eat their lunch there will be no ice cream.  Carter begins to melt down and an argument ensues, much screaming and yelling can be heard from our house.

He loves to swim!

3:00 CAMP - Carter is now back in the pool after overcoming his fear of the leaves that have fallen from the trees.  He looks like a fish and is seemingly having the time of his life with his new camp friends. Tyler is climbing the rock wall where for the first time he reaches the top.

3:00 HOME - The boys want to watch a movie. Carter gets upset that the options for what to watch on Netflix are limited to say the least. Popcorn is thrown all over the basement floor and we finally settle on Power Rangers.

4:00 CAMP - Pickup!  Both boys tell me what an awesome day they had at camp and how much fun every activity was.  Tyler tells me about his new best friend Bob for the next half hour and Carter shows me his macaroni project. A quick stop to get ices is in order on our way home.

4:00 HOME - I decide to get out of the house and take the kids to the spray ground. Carter gets upset that he is getting wet and after 15 minutes we decide to leave.  A quick stop to the liquor store is in order on our way home.

5:00 HOME - We are now home and we are either hanging Carters macaroni project on the pantry door or are popping open the first of what will be many beers this evening.

I don't know why there is such an issue with going to camp, but for the sake of me becoming an alcoholic, they NEED to go.

John Willey - Daddy's in Charge?

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Summer... Starring Legos

It's finally the first day of summer.  It's been warm here in New Jersey for a month now, but we haven't gotten temperatures that has made me want take pictures of my cars thermometer.  Usually by now we've had a couple of days in the 90's but its been really nice and hasn't gotten to that extreme level yet. Then the first day of summer comes along and it's going to be close to 100 degrees today.  THAT is too hot if you ask me. It makes me way to stay indoors, because for me especially, it's important to stay cool.

How do you keep cool when the temperature rises?

John Willey - Daddy's in Charge?

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Be Prepared?

I thought I was prepared to be a parent.

I mean after all I have been dad for almost eight years now. I've changed my fair share of diapers, packed enough school lunches, and washed numerous loads of laundry. Turns out that that is the easy stuff.

No one ever prepared me for the emotions involved in this whole parenting thing.

It's not something that you read about because I don't know if anyone can actually describe how you are going to feel at any given moment.  One second you are happy as can be that your son got a hit in a T ball game, the next you're crying your eyes out dropping your kid off on the last day of preschool.

That was me.

I didn't realize how difficult of a moment this would be for me, seeing him disappear through the doors of his school of two years for the last time.  My little guy is going in those doors a little boy and coming out a big kid. There will be no more driving him to school everyday blaring one of his favorite songs on the radio.  No more opening the door for him and telling him to have a great day.  Our little morning routine is changing, forever.

My little boy is changing, forever,

He's growing up. Fast. As much as I don't like to see it happen I am going to have to accept that reality sooner or later.  One of these years I will be dropping him off at college seeing him disappear through the doors of his dormitory.  I'm not prepared for that.

I don't know if ever will be.

John Willey - Daddy's in Charge?

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Wednesday's Window... The Graduate

Bringing back one of my favorite segments of this blog, we take you to my little guy Carter's preschool graduation.  I am normally not a fan of these types of things where we celebrate every little achievement that our kids accomplish.  When I was a kid we had ONE graduation, that I know of anyway. My school housed all students from Kindergarten to 12th grade, so there were no ceremonies celebrating each passing milestone.  There were no milestones, except for when you graduated High School. Nowadays there are preschool graduations, Kindergarten graduations, Elementary School graduations, Middle School graduations, and of course High School graduations. It's a little much.

Having said all that, I think I have changed my mind, at least with preschool graduations anyways.  In the two short years that he has been at his preschool, he's gone from being a little boy to really a big kid.  The growth has been amazing.  He couldn't count at all and now he is doing simple math problems using his fingers.  What used to be a scribble, is now a fully legible written name.  Sure there are a lot of things that he needs to work on, but seeing where he is now is definitely something to celebrate. Besides all that, who would want to miss out on their kid performing on a big stage.  I hope you enjoy this weeks Wednesday's Window. 

If you couldn't guess, Carter is all the way on the left.

My little guy, the graduate! If any of the other graduations are like this one, I might change my mind about them too.

John Willey - Daddy's in Charge?

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Dads Don't Babysit

^Obviously.^

They know I don't babysit

If you are half a parent, mom or dad, you get it.  It's an equal thing.  It's called parenting. Mom's do it. Dads do it. And sometimes even Grandparents have to step in and do it.  I don't babysit and I don't know any dad that does.  There are some fellow Dad Bloggers that would make it seem like everyone is out to get them, that for some reason or another there is this higher power that is holding us all back from being the parent that we want to be.

Here is a tip. The only people that are holding us back from being the dads we want to be, are dads themselves. 

There is a reason why some advertisers choose to portray us as bumbling fools, there are a bunch of men that still ARE bumbling fools.  And what do they say about one bad apple spoiling a bunch?  Well, there are bushels upon bushels of men that make us all look bad.

We are fighting the wrong people.  The message is being sent to the wrong place.  

It's not the government or Madison Avenue that is to blame for the lack of respect that many dads feel that they get.  It's our own brethren.  Until ALL dads step up and prove that they are capable of being an equal parent, we will be looked upon as fools.

I just can't get over the fact that so many think we are being suppressed as a parent.

Here are some things to look at.  We can vote just like mom, we can drink out of the same water fountain as mom, and we can even ride the same bus as her.  This is not the 60's south where we are looked down upon based on the color of our skin, this is 2012, we can be the equal of mom if we CHOOSE to be her equal. Society is NOT holding us back.  WE are holding us back. I am tired of hearing the woe is me attitude of so many of my fellow dads. Just be a dad and stop worrying about what everyone thinks.

Dads don't babysit?

Prove that you don't.  

John Willey - Daddy's in Charge?

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Single Dad Laughing... Starring Legos

I decided to start a summer Lego blogger series here on Daddy's in Charge.  I have immortalized a few bloggers over the past year in plastic and the response has been overwhelming. It seems that everyone wants to be a Lego mini figure.  Sometimes I feel like one as throughout the course of the day I can hear them speak to me.  Or maybe it's just the voices in my head telling me that I have too many Legos.  Either way, I thought it was time to start letting everyone in on the action.

First up is Dan Pearce from Single Dad Laughing.  If you haven't heard of him you are probably living under a rock.  It seems like 75,000,000 people read his blog everyday.  Some of his posts have gone uberviral to the point that I think it is now required reading in most colleges and universities.*  He has the type of success most of us in blogging world only dream about.  Of course with success comes the detractors.  Some people think he is a robot programmed to spit out  blog posts, while others think he has a team high in the Himalayas churning out viral post after viral post.  Whether that is the case or not, lots of people read him and lots of people are inspired by him. 

This is only part one of our series. Please continue to tune in over the course of the summer months as you never know who might appear in this very blog.  

*I might be making this up

John Willey - Daddy's in Charge?

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The Clothes That Make the Man Cry

There are some things I hate about being a stay at home dad.  Organizing just happens to be one of them, and it's not for the reasons you might think.

Today I decided that I needed to move out all of the old clothes in Carter's closet.  A lot of these clothes have been with us since Tyler was his age, which means they have been with us for almost five years.  As you can imagine, there are a lot of memories wrapped up in these old duds, and since Carter is most likely our last child, these clothes will never be seen again.

Part of what I struggle with now is the fact that HE WILL be our last kid.  When my wife and I first decided to have kids we always assumed that we would have three.  We each come from families of five so it would only make sense that we would continue that trend.  But Carter is five now and the idea of adding another child to the mix some six years after giving birth to him just doesn't see likely.  A family of four works just works for right now, and it looks as though life will move forward the way it is.

Which brings me today and putting the clothes away.  

There are a lot of memories here in this closet.  With every shirt I can picture a different part of our lives, whether it was trips that we have made or weekends that we have spent as a family.  Some of them haven't been worn in years, and part of the reason is that I just wasn't ready to close that chapter of my life.  Once they go into storage, that's it, five years packed away, just like that.

This was Tyler's shirt.  He wore it everywhere.  I can remember him wearing it to Niagara Falls and Disney World just to name a couple of  places, but the place I remember it most is Point Pleasant Beach and his second birthday.  Tyler turns eight in a little over a month, but this shirts reminds me of that little diaper wearing kid walking on the beach almost six years ago.  It really is unbelievable to me how quickly that time has gone.  

Then there is Carter.  This was his fancy shirt for almost four years.  Yeah I know it's ridiculous that he could wear the same shirt for that long, but when he first started wearing it around his first birthday it was pretty big on him.  Since he is smaller than most kids his age it still fit him when he decided himself to wear it this past Thanksgiving.  This shirt has been all over the world including trips to France and Italy.  Quick side note, Carter thinks that any shirt with a button is fancy.

I only got through the closet today.  I couldn't bear going through his drawers.  He has the cutest little butt and the thought that he might need bigger underwear is just too much to take. We'll save that for another day.

John Willey - Daddy's in Charge?

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Facebook... Starring Lego Mark Zuckerberg

The goal of most bloggers is to get their stories out to as many people as possible. We join hundreds of social media sites and share our posts all over the internet in hopes that everyone in the world reads them, and then it turns into a book, a movie, or maybe even an iPhone app. The thought that what I say could be read in places like Romania or Bangalore is pretty cool. Up until recently we thought everyone was getting our message, but apparently they were not.

To give you an idea, if I wanted to reach my entire Facebook audience of 1282 people and various other pages instead of the around 17% of them that I currently reach, I would have to fork over around $6.00 per post to "promote"it.  It may not seem like much but when you make no money blogging, that's a lot.  I have a feeling that one day we'll be looking back on Facebook the same way we did with MySpace. When the next big thing comes around people will go there. In the meantime I will continue to post on Facebook, but most of my time will spent on Twitter, where at least for now, I don't have to pay to post to people.

John Willey - Daddy's in Charge?

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Too Young to Die

I can barely walk.

The pain in my hip is excruciating.  I don't know how my kids do it, but by the time one of their viruses gets to me it has exploded into some flesh eating super virus.  Just this past weekend Tyler came down with what we assume was synovitis.  He had a noticeable limp and complained that his hip was hurting.  This has happened before to both of my boys and since we had no idea what it was at first, a trip to the ER was in order.  This time though knowing that it was most likely synovitis and it would pass, no trip was necessary.

Secretly plotting my death?

It seems like every time these kids come down with something, I bear the brunt of it.  When they complain that their belly aches and they are not feeling well I know for sure that I will be doubled over in pain and puking my guts out with in a matter of days.  I know the whole story about men being babies when it comes to this sort of thing, but trust me, I can deal with a lot. I am never sick, but when I am, I am *this close* to my deathbed, and I am not one to complain about. I suck it up and deal with it.

I am certainly not a doctor, so I have no idea how this happens.  I would think that 38 years of various illnesses would leave me immune to what the kids bring home nowadays.  But it seems that what goes around their school, comes around to me. Maybe viruses have become much more complicated, much like Tyler's second grade math homework. I can't always figure that out, so this is something that I definitely can't comprehend.

What I do know is that by the time this pain in my hip reaches its peak, I will probably need a wheelchair.

Tyler is better now, thankfully the pain lasted only a day.  But that is no consolation for me as I know this will most likely be a weeklong struggle. Next time they come home with even a hint of a sniffle, I'm heading out of town.

I am too young to die.

How do you end up after your kids are sick?

John Willey - Daddy's in Charge?

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Socially Social

I have never been this social in my life.

Growing up, I was always the guy that sat at home watching TV on Friday and Saturday nights, while all the other cool kids were off at their lavish parties.  Or hanging out somewhere deep in the woods so the cops wouldn't find them drinking or smoking or whatever else high school kids do. I guess it would have been nice to crash one of these shindigs, but that wasn't me. I had friends, just not the kind that hung out beneath the water tower. That didn't happen until college, not that there was a water tower, but there always seemed to be a keg somewhere.

Even then though I wasn't one to share my inner most thoughts, I am a guy after all.  Most conversations revolved around beer, babes, and basketball. Yeah we were cool. Hanging out usually meant watching Sportscenter or playing Sega Hockey (NHLPA '94 still remains the best game ever made in my eyes). That was the extent of our social lives.

Go tell it on the mountain!

It seems that most of my "friends" now exist solely online.  I think I have shared more here in the past year than I have in my 38 years on Earth.

Twitter is now like a bar, where I can pull up a stool and start a conversation with anyone, a real conversation.  I have met so many amazing and interesting people from all over the world that seem to be just like me.  Finding a support group has been awesome.  It can get pretty lonely being a stay at home dad. Sure there are groups out there with actual live fleshy people, but it takes a huge effort and a lot of travel to do that. Twitter has become somewhat of a refuge me, and I can count on it to take away some of the loneliness.

Not so sure I would give it a thumbs up

Facebook is very different.  I don't know what is real or not there.  It seems like people only post when they are having a super awesome day or are taking a trip.  I don't even know that half the people I'm friends with are alive until they go on vacation.  Then it seems that they won't stop posting about what an amazing time they are having, checking into great restaurants and sharing pictures of their kids with oversized stuffed animals.  Then there are those groups of people that take a road trip somewhere and constantly post pictures of each other.  You know the only people that care about those pictures are the people you are with. Have a conversation with THEM instead of telling US about your conversation.

Everything is social nowadays.

There are social readers that tell everyone what you are reading. Seriously, are we supposed to read together?  I thought that was something limited to bedtime between me and my boys.  There are photo apps that share all of our greatest photos. I am on Instagram, but I only take pictures, if you choose to follow me that's great, but I can't reciprocate. It's too time consuming.

Of course there are a million other social media venues that I haven't mentioned including Google+.  I was told that this was awesome but it seems that the only people that are on there are people that I already talk to on Twitter and Facebook.  How many different places can I talk to the same people?  How many different places can suck time away from something that I should be doing elsewhere? Maybe I should go back into my room and watch TV?

To find out what I am doing next* you can follow me at one of these places:

• Twitter
• Facebook
• Google+
• Instagram (jdubs44)
• Words With Friends (jdubs44)

*I will most likely be mowing the lawn

John Willey - Daddy's in Charge?

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The Parenting Wars... Starring Legos

Everywhere that I have gone this past week someone is talking about The Parenting Wars.  It seems like most of my fellow dad bloggers are all up in arms over a post on Babble about things that moms do better.  I'm here to tell you a little secret, there are things that moms do better.  But you know what, who cares.  Be a dad and don't worry about what everyone thinks.  Oh and moms, don't make us look bad and say that we are clueless.  We're not.  We need to get past all this nonsense and just be the parents our kids need us to be.

We all just look silly talking about who the better parent is.

John Willey - Daddy's in Charge?

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The Perfect Parent?

I must have missed the awards show.

The Perfect Parent?

When did we decide that there is a perfect way to raise a child?  They never handed me a manual at the hospital explaining to me that there was ONE way to do it. Actually there are a billion ways to do it. Just because something works for you does not mean that it is going to work for me. Conversely, if there is something that I do as a parent with my kids that works, it might not be the best thing for you.

I am not going to go into your house to judge you as a parent and I would hope that you stay out of mine.  I was not put on this planet to judge or be judged.  I might have an opinion, but that doesn't mean what I think you are doing is wrong.  If it works for you AWESOME.

I know how hard this parenting business can be.  It's a struggle at times.  The only thing that makes it harder is when people question what I do and go on with their self righteous nonsense.  We get it. Your kid can walk and recite the alphabet before mine can even crawl, fantastic.  Mine can do things that your kid can't, like throw a baseball or kick a soccer ball.  Aren't kids great like that?  Each can do something that the other can't and it's not because we as parents are perfect.

Courtesy Time magazine

There has been so much talk in the past couple of days about this Time magazine cover with the lady breastfeeding her three year old.  Yeah it's a shocking cover.  Why?  Because it's something none of us get to see everyday. But we shouldn't be judging the woman for a decision that she is making as a parent, just like she shouldn't judge us if we don't choose to live her life style.

It works for her and for her kids and that's all that matters.  If you chose to breastfeed your child that long, that is your business.  We stopped at  the age of one, and that's OUR business.  If someone chose NOT to breastfeed their child for some reason that is THEIR business. 

We need to stay out of each others way and just let us be the parents that our kids need us to be.

If they handed out an award for the perfect parent, we should all get one

John Willey - Daddy's in Charge?

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Out of My League

Baseball has always been my favorite sport.

I longed for the day when my kids finally were old enough to play in Little League.  Since I missed the registration deadline last year, this is the first year where they are finally hitting the diamond.  I have to say that the league that we are in has been great so far. Both boys have gotten the opportunity to play and they both really seem to enjoy it. Right now the league is stressing fun and fundamentals and since it's your typical instructional league, there are no politics involved.

Politics?  In kids sports?

I fortunately have not seen it yet, but I know it exists.  There will be a time when they have the opportunity to take their games to the next level and this is where politics comes into play.  Since I haven't experienced it yet, I thought that I would let an old college pal who's currently juggling parenting, marriage, work and coaching explain what is going on on baseball diamonds all across the country. Enjoy this guest post.

Out of My League 
By Dresden Wolf*

When my son started playing organized baseball two years ago, he was six years old and the emphasis was on fun and fundamentals. As parents, we were happy when they’d hit the ball without knocking the tee over, or run around the bases in the right direction (yes, we had a couple who tried to steal 3rd …from home). Hell, we didn’t even officially keep score.

But as the seasons went on, tee ball gave way to coach pitch, and coach pitch to machine pitch. In that time, a funny thing happened. My son and a few of his buddies got very good at baseball (pause to pat myself on the back as coach – ha ha ha), and the emphasis shifted. Now, it’s more like baseball. We not only keep score, but offensive and defensive stats. They’re eating sunflower seeds in the dugout. Kids SHIFT FOR LEFTIES. This shit just got real.

All of a sudden, everyone is scouting other teams, bailing to join travel teams, and our own house all-star process is worthy of an Aaron Sorkin screenplay. (Although I still don’t speak quickly enough to deliver the lines in one.)

I sigh and change the channel when I see “Pageant Kids” or “Dance Moms” or “I’m gonna grow up and have all kinds of issues because you started putting me in makeup and heels when I was 18 months old,” but I look around, and sports are no different. There are cliques, kids taking private lessons from coaches they won’t share. And everyone is jockeying to get on the “best” team with the best coach. Every playdate or schoolyard run-in is a chance to ask what team your kid is on, and if they’ve heard about the neighboring community’s travel team. There’s always rumbling about how competitive your league is (or isn’t). And everyone thinks they have an in because they know someone on “the board.”

As a friend said, “as long as the parents are involved, it’s always political.”

Back to my point. At the lowest competitive level, we’ve got 9U (the u is for “and under”) and 8U all-star squads. So, as you might imagine, many of the talented 8-year-olds try out for both. Where it gets sticky is when those 8-year-olds all get drafted by the 9U squad, leaving the 8U team with the less talented 8’s, as well as all the younger kids.

Having been to the tournaments these kids play in, an 8U squad of mediocre talent and a bunch 7-year-olds, no matter how good those 7-year-olds are, will get CREAMED. The other teams are huge. Like, “show me the birth certificates” huge. Then the kids will be discouraged, the parents will be sad, and the coaches (and the league) get blamed for setting the kids up to fail. On the flipside, a 9U team with a bunch of 8-year-olds will ALSO get creamed. BUT, everyone believes that “playing up” will get their kids a baseball scholarship (which coincidentally averages $5K, even at big baseball schools) and eventually into the MLB. But there’s a difference between playing with older kids and having your asses kicked by them.

So, is it better to be a big fish in a small pond? Or the smallest fish in a big pond? Personally I think being a goldfish in a plastic bag at a carnival is the worst, but that’s not relevant to this discussion. At the end of the day, I want my son to feel good about himself for being good at something among kids his own age. He’s got the rest of his life to compete with older guys for girls, jobs, social security checks, whatever.

Anyway, the opportunity to choose between the teams puts parents in a position to negotiate. And this is where it gets fun. Not.

So as the clock ticks on draft day (35 hours and counting), I find myself pouring over rosters, checking birthdates, and planning to call parents as late as 10PM on a Tuesday, trying to convince them to “play down” with the 8s instead of playing up with the 9s. Some have already asked “what’s in it for them.” Uhm, baseball…a uniform…a few nice days outside this summer? Some want guaranteed playing time, to only play a certain position, to bat ahead of (insert name here), or for their kid to be named team captain.

They’re EIGHT.

EIGHT. YEARS. OLD.

I joke a little, but I legitimately fear that the next call will be one asking for cash considerations or an actual contract.

Crazy, isn’t it? But in a world where kids get trophies just for showing up, and think they’re the best at everything, this sense of entitlement is not surprising.

But at the end of the day, the kids want to play. And at this age, they want to win, no matter what mamby-pamby, kumbaya, politically correct crap we’re supposed to be subscribing to. I still believe that kids’ sports should be fun, but anyone who’s ever competed with an 8-year-old boy will tell you, winning IS fun to them. So, we do what we can to put them in a position to win – or at the very least, compete. Because losing 24-2 because you’re out of your league stings a lot more than losing 6-5 to a team you can hang with. (I’ve done both.)

But if you’re a parent who cares more about telling people that seven-year-old Johnny “played ball with kids two years older than him,” than Johnny actually having fun playing, I don’t know what to tell you.

Ugh. I think I had a point, but now I’ve got a call from an agent on line two. (Insert touching conclusion that includes the phrase “for the love of the game.”)
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*To protect the parties involved, mainly the kids, Dresden Wolf is not his real name.

John Willey - Daddy's in Charge?

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A Frog on a Bench... Starring Legos

My boys love watching YouTube videos.  Mainly it's some sort of Lego movie that catches their eye, or a superhero one, or even a combination of them both. They actually love watching my movies because they love to see what their characters are up to.  I love doing it because they are fun to make.  It does get disappointing at times when you see that so few are actually watching the videos, especially when you look at some of the videos that get a billion hits.  I mean do we really need to see a cat fall off of a TV or some kid bite his older brothers finger?  Honestly it's kind of annoying to see what people think is entertainment.  Then along comes the latest craze, so I thought, if you can't beat them... join them.

A frog on a bench?  What will they think of next, a squirrel on water skis?

John Willey - Daddy's in Charge?

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What Happens at Disney...

We've been to Disney, a lot.

For some, I know that this is a once in a lifetime trip.  Myself, I never went to Disney until I had kids.  We didn't vacation much when I was a younger and when we did it was to the Outer Banks or Virginia Beach.  Maybe that was the same trip, but the bottom line is Disney was never in our travel plans.

That's all changed with our kids.

My oldest has been to a Disney related park probably around 20 times.  That includes Disney World, Disneyland, and even Disneyland Paris. Throw in a few cruises on Disney Cruise Lines and we are VERY MUCH a Disney family. Disney can be a daunting experience to plan for, as there are too many websites, books, and videos all telling you that has to be the case.  If you go on any of these sites like Disboards.com or Passporter.com there are literally hundreds if not thousands of people telling you how to experience Disney.

I am not going to get into any specifics about how to plan for a trip like this, but needless to say, if you follow all of the advice of everything that you read or hear, you will drive yourself crazy and never fully enjoy your experience.  I know people that have their whole itinerary planned out to the second, but if you do that, you will truly miss out on the magic that Disney offers. 

I have two boys so our trips are a little different than families with girls.  Sure we go on all the rides and see many of the same characters but we don't have to see ANY of the princesses which I know take up a lot of your day.  I've seen the lines and I don't envy those people in the slightest.  My oldest was always a Mickey fan, so we knew where to go and see him with the least wait (Hollywood Studios, One Mans Dream - skip the 15 minute movie and Sorcerer Mickey is right there).  Of course you could always dine with the characters so you don't have to worry about seeing all of them in the parks.

Why do we go all the time?

Sometimes I wish we didn't go as much as we do, but we truly love it.  I'll be honest with you though some of the magic has worn off.  Gone are the days where Tyler was running around hugging every character in sight or Carter would scream hysterically at the mere mention of them.  The fireworks shows have begun to blend into one another and the parades aren't the spectacles they once were.  But the boys are experiencing new rides every year and while the magic isn't the same, it's evolving.  The excitement of seeing Donald or Goofy has been replaced with the thrill of riding Space mountain. While they aren't scared to go in the Haunted Mansion anymore, there is a fear of falling to your death as they ride The Tower of Terror.  It's almost as if something new comes a long every time we go.

Disney is not for everyone and I certainly see where a lot of people would have issues with them.  We are not one of those families. I would never tell anyone that they have to spend their money and go to Disney, it's not cheap. I know that I am totally sounding like an ad for Disney right now, but it's probably my boys favorite place in the world so why wouldn't I speak glowingly of it?

The bottom line is, we'll be going back as long as the boys want to go back.  The magic won't last forever, so we will ride it as long as we can.

For some quick tips from a first time Disney visitor please check out my friend Daddy Knows Less.  He just got back and made a list of things he wish he knew before he went.

If YOU have any questions about Disney or quick tips to offer please leave me a comment below. 

John Willey - Daddy's in Charge?

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