February 3, 2011

Why is Daddy in Charge?

It almost seems cliche nowadays, I am a stay at home dad.  I have actually grown tired of that phrase as really what's the difference between mom and dad being there to raise the kids.  Obviously there are things that mommy can do that daddy can't like breastfeeding, something by the way I would encourage all fathers to recommend to their wives as it is not only healthy for the child but hey it gets you out of EVERY over night feeding.  I used to think that our children slept through the night from day one.  I guess I was wrong, as people tell me that kids generally don't sleep well until they are like 6 months old.  Who knew?  Dads aren't all useless of course, we do take out the garbage from time to time and make sure that the toilet seat is warm for subsequent users.

I mean how hard can it be to raise a child?  You water it twice a day and put a bowl of food on the floor so they don't go hungry.  Seems pretty basic stuff.  Why does mommy need to be their for things like that when daddy can certainly dump out the ash tray as to not confuse the child.  They get a scratch?  Rub a little dirt on it.  Like mommy is going to buy Elmo bandaids and put Neosporin on their little boo boos?  Please.  Does a child really need to know the alphabet or count to ten?  If it's a boy shouldn't they just know a bunch of random numbers that when we get older we call stats anyways?  How often do these little things really need to have a bath anyway?  Once every other week maybe?  Depending on whether of course you went to the beach, the ocean is right there.

I think as a dad the everything gets a little streamlined.  My diaper bag always consisted of one (usually) diaper and if I was lucky to remember them, wipes.  Thats it.  No fancy creams or extra onezies.  I mean seriously we are not going off to war with these kids, do we need a duffel bag full of stuff?  Toys?  They can get by on a squeaking turtle.  I only have two arms, one for my beer and one for the rest of the six pack.  You want me to use a sling?  Really, shouldn't they be walking when they come out of the womb?  I've seen horses do it and they have to control FOUR legs.

I think if you were to ask my boys if they are happy to have dad around, they would probably say yes.  I like to think that I am a pretty good dad.  For instance tomorrow I am going to teach them how to start a fire.  It's the first thing you would learn at any survival school so I think it's a good skill to have.  It's all about teaching them useful things and what's the harm in that?

John Willey - Daddy's in Charge?



  1. After they master fire skills the next logical step is knife skills training.